wasn't falling in love in the first time, evenmore the second time

this is what i feel about one of a kind peer i belong to

well, it is not a peer exactly, but it is a formal organization which have been established about 100 years perhaps... you may find this kinda org in most both state or private universities or institutes all over these archipelagos ;p i hope what it is doesn't make you dizzy guessing its name, i name it, i mean the org, cathy

some days ago was not the first time i went to cathy's place, i have going there by the time i legally becoming college student, this is the only place where i could find people who hold the same book and listen to the similar scripture every sunday wherever we are , hoho you may guess it right :)
it was a very nice welcoming, i was really like the warm people treating me and my friends as if their long-time besties, but one thing made me uncomfort is the boy next door... what it is ? it was really a boy, was sure that it is boy though i dunno how exactly to identify... he was brown and lying next to the door, basically he had four legs, guess who ? hey hey siapa doi ?
it is a DOG, well for any kind of human being who really even only close, knew exactly how i am afraid of doggie thingy. (FULLSTOP)

it is kinda traumatic event happened when i was kindergarten, a dog was run very quickly behind me, can you imagine my height in that time was only 2 times over the dog's height AND then none help me in that case, NO ONE! well, guys i don't want to explain about this cause i knew that any kind of human being has their own fear and for me dog is the most fear ... no matter the size, how cutie, how funny; i just could simply see them as a scaried creature '(

OK back to the cathy...
it has been more than 2 years since that day when i become so afraid of going and involving in cathy's place...
well, i didn't know what's on their mind about my "biggie" fear

about one time,
i was asked to take part in Cathy's event, surely i was much excited for involving... well, i opened my heart and my mind after about 2 years i used not to become any part of them...
it was a greaattt nite, nothing to compare, i was HAPPY..
the time got me to decide i want to take any kinda part and become their peer :)

But,

in very first day of my part-taking, i saw three doggies who made me scare to come in, but all what they say dear friends cheerished me to go upstair and join the meeting...then,
i was welcoming by a cold voice with a command not to sit a group cause he was saying that it was not the right time for grouping, sigh, what a "nice" welcoming hospitality by the way ....
alrite, it was secure enough on the 2nd floor though they're still talking in peer, *but why that man command us like that, zzz*
okay, next 1 2 3 ...30 minutes was averagely okay, i like my team, then...

SURPRISE !
the dog was coming upstair, i was so panic, and what anyone else did ? they were starring at me and gruggling mailto:PSSSTTTT!@#$%^&&%*&% *astajim*, woy, DEARLIES I WAS TRULY SCARED . the meeting was goes on, noone feel any disturb with dogs, only me myself and i, i moved from one into other point just to keep myself away from doggie...

guys, these were what i saw about you all how you hospitalite new people, implement your major, doing your job description not only by reading it.. the dog's coming was really a small point

oh guys i really do not want to hash over you all, but i have a critical question
when a dogs come into a meeting and one of your friend become worry, would you prefer the dog or your newlyfriend better to stay ?
would you still have the spirit of 'universal' like what define our believe when you meet someone new with something new ?

this is my second coming, i come with a lot of hands to shake and to be shaked to feel the empty space over my need-to-be-purified heart and soul ..

blame me for this, but i surely upset with you guys

going universal is going collectively grow up

Mulan, She is My Inspiration

Huanying, huanying! welcome back to this real life by this unreal world (read: internet)
after crushing and rushing with Twitter, the micro one, now i am turning my way back into the macro blog

spend some little one month holiday is just enough for meeting up with some untouchable things when i was rushing with campus et cetera... today i was driving to Blitz Megaplex Teraskota with my brother for viewing two not-showed-in-21 movies, yes these movies was really our intention, but do not really mainstream enough to be shown in 21. it is not either "Twilight Saga" or "Avatar", it is "Princess and Frog" and "Mulan"...can you guess which movie i watched and which my brother choose ? ehm, my brother is a fan of Disney, yes basically we're grown under the Disneysome, Our Father cheer us for liking this Walt Disney's legacy ;p... but it is not the most important, what i see is how Disney musical movie could really stay in 27-year-old-guy's mind, hahaha

and about the other movie, i firstly know about Mulan from cartoonized Disney's picture... now talking about Mulan, Mulan i saw is no longer cartoon as Disney firstly introduced me ten years ago, it is a tragedy, yet a lesson especially for me with a little Chinese blood running under my skin...

currently, i often asked by my friends about Chinese behavior among them, it somehow sounds negatively when they told their perspection about Chinese... too little reason for encounter and it is no need to do so. well, anyway this way this day i irreluctantly was being refreshed what my Chinese ancestor taught us how to live ..

it was as simple as watching Mulan, but as difficult as making cinematography of Red Cliff

Mulan was not a girlie woman, she live in a small village, it may stated in southern part of China Mainland... The culture perspective in that region was a woman should be married and do all what woman supposed to do, if you watched the cartoon, it was described by the existence of matchmaker who marked how woman could do make up, pouring tea-pot, bathing, etc, but you know that Mulan was not good enough to do so

China was a place of war in that time when some tribes invaded other region to get treasure, and Wei Kingdom needed to defend against Rouran invasion. There was a 'wajib militer' and every man from each family should be part of Wei's military force. In Mulan's family, there was no son, it was only Mulan and her father indeed. As we may know, Mulan pretended to be a guy for subtitute her father's place, she left her father who had been sick because of aging

Mulan was coming from a Chinese Family, as any other Chinese family in that time they're so nasionalist, they had so much intention for defending their Nation whatever had to be sacrificed ... Meanwhile, respect to Parents was something really matter and high-appreciated among Chinese family because it was written on decent Chinese Proverbs; as my father told me that we had to bow down on the knee of our parent when we did trespass esp to them

another point to learn for me, if i say about friendship, from watching Mulan i could say that neither friendship nor love-ship supposed not to be blind. Mulan showed me (in)directly about spirit of liberte, egalite, fraternite among those Wei's soldier, eventhough you were close friend, anyone who stood up for one nation is all same, then how we respect Heroes anyone who died or strived for their Nation, for people aim

again, it was about love war and war love

Mulan was a great soldier, by companion of the young shcolar who lately we would know him as a prince. by the time she attended those war, there was a war which really taught me why woman could really be avoided to be warrior, it was not because woman is weaker, but it was may be because woman would use their emotion greater then the logic, Ok then Mulan lost in one war just because she tended to help the scholar better than stay and wait
Mulan could not avoid to fall in love, a lot of romantic really-not-cheesy scene occured in the movie, but i don't want to post on anyway ;p

some romantic words to post is
"lebih mudah bagiku kehilangan nyawa, dibandingkan harus meninggalkan wanita yang sangat aku cinta", that was Prince's ...

from that movie i learn about what my ancestor told that nation where we called homeland is something we need to share, yet to preserve
i learn to be daughter indeed. to be daughter is a need to be brave and calm
love your nation and parents equal with learning to Love God

for wrapping, this movie is almost covering all aspect of my life

i need to have spirit of Mulan

Wo xiang, fuqin :) wo ming bai Nin de

pengalaman adalah guru yang terbaik, if only you enjoy the process :)

setujukah dengan pepatah di atas ?

saya punya cerita tentang kejadian yang saya alami 2 minggu terakhir ini. teman2, saya adalah seseorang yang sangat ingin jadi penyiar radio dan kalo bisa saya mau jadi penyiar radio di sepanjang hidup saya. yess, jadi penyiar radio adalah salah satu dari cita-cita besar saya selain jadi organis di gereja dan jadi....(hehe, rahasia)

dari harapan akan muncul usaha jika ada kesempatan sampai akhirnya usaha, usaha dan usaha sampai mencapai apa yang dicita-citakan..

mengikuti training di radio swasta adalah impian saya, setelah hampir dua tahun bergabung dengan radio mahasiswa, ada sebuah kebetulan mendengar iklan pencarian penyiar baru... it happened when i was driving home alone in the evening some.

saya daftar via e-mail, sekitar dua minggu sesudahnya dapet recall, waktu itu ga lama sesudah Lebaran di saat tugas yang sangat variatif bentuknya dan banyak jumlahnya .. sigh ...
i lose all the excitement, merasa ga punya banyak tenaga untuk menjalani semua secara berbarengan termasuk wawancara...

i go on dan wawancaranya berlangsung begitu santai, i catch up the line, so enjoy and nothing to lose, surprisingly....

i got top 20.

next step.
i have to make decision, it such a very deep thought
so many considerations coming from here and there
it's opportunity, it's a dream, it's anything...hear me! its anything
i love this, i want this
wondering, what will i get from the training, yet the trainer, the friendship

but

this is me
about making decision
i think spaciously, go a bit selfish, i let my mind check all the aspects of my life
why?
because it's my big dream, a willingness which had been built since i was 7 years old
contemplating
where i am now
with whom i live
who i am
when it is
why and why?
then, i decide not to go on

definitely, maybe its awful
you may say anything
but this is me who go selfish to become wider-unselfish

i may do not get the skill, but i learn how to make up my mind and DECIDE!
i felt the sensation of making decision
from sickness to relieve...

guys, it is not easy when we go back chasing pavement which may lead you nowhere, but better we let myself be surprised whenever it will be :):)

thank you Fellas

thank God, i surrenderly lay my hand to You....

PS: to Glugielmo Marconi by his beautiful invention

hello 20!

Thank God, Praise Lord

4 words which can define how pleased my 20 birthday
yay !!
hehe, sebenarnya ga se-hip hip horray itu sih, tp cukup memberi makna di satu fragmen baru di kehidupan saya ;)
kalo bicara hadiah apa yg saya dapetin:

the answer is presence,

kehadiran orang-orang yang dengan secuplik ingatan atau baca birthday calendar di fb memberikan ucapan selamat ulang tahun... percaya banget donk little thing could become biggie, hiihi

tanpa mengurangi rasa terimakasih untuk beliau-beliau yg hadir secara fisik

wow bgt deh

perhatian kalian itu lho, make me feel alive!

the core is, perhatian kalian memberi pesan buat saya untuk lebih membawa arti untuk hidup orang lain dan hidup saya sendiri

harapannya semua sifat2 yg pernah dipelajari di pelajaran agama dan ppkn bisa diterapkan lebih lagi..paling ngga kalo sebelumnya self-driving, sekarang bisa minimal antarjemput manggadua-depok, hahahah

dapet donk pencarian jati diri selama ini, jadi sekarang be yourself, then see who gives beauty and who gives bulky :D

the wishes..

yang pada intinya saya pengen lebih pasrah menjalani hidup yang Tuhan sudah tentukan destiny-nya

buat saya, sudah cukup bikin wishlist; sekarang perlu wishpath and wishleader -nya, hehe

realizing there is number"2" in my age, knowing the live and the love have to be more to share

ps: the more you grow up, the more we have to be ready accepting what we do not like to accept; hmm, i do not like cheese cake, but after 20 bday, me likey it, yatsiee:):)

Mataram modern

Jogja...
kota yang ga pernah hilang dari obrolan baik keluarga maupun teman-teman, paling tidak satu bulan satu kali pasti saya mendengar nama itu...
tapi kalau setelah ini saya mendengar nama itu lagi, pasti ada nilai rasa yang berbeda, karena kali ini jogja bukan hanya sekedar tempat mudik yang ngangeni, tapi juga sebuah get over yang membuat saya merasa ga mau pulang...btw ini bukan berarti melarikan diri, tetapi memulai hidup baru, wak wak *p
Jogja yang katanya sudah jadi kota pensiunan karna banyaknya orang yang menghabiskan masa pensiun mereka di Jogja, what a life-fact ! dengan life-expectancy yang tinggi karena lebih tidak terkontaminasi dibanding kota metropolitan seperti Jakarta...trus, biaya hidup yang tidak terlalu mahal, untuk yang satu ini saya berdoa semoga tidak dibangun banyak pusat perbelanjaan modern di Jogja, takut inflasi :D..BUT, saya bersedia tinggal di kota ini sebelum saya jadi pensiunan :)

di perjalanan ke jogja yang sudah ke sekian kalinya dan bersifat annual, saya banyak menemukan sudut-sudut makan yang enak dan terjangkau, tapi serius deh kalo banyak yang lebih penting dibanding sudut gudeg yang enak dan murah dan Empire XXI besarnya luar biasa...
buat saya jalan-jalan di Malioboro bukan hal yang istimewa lagi, tapi kali ini saya mengeluarkan energi lebih untuk menghafalkan sekaligus memahami bagaimana sampai ke jalan Malioboro dari berbagai akses jalan yang ada, dari mulai naik mobil pribadi sampai naik Transjogja sampai akhirnya menemukan tempat gaulnya Ibu waktu muda, hihihi *p
agak sebel dengan banyaknya one way yang bikin saya dan teman-teman jadi nyasar, hehehe

hal seru lain adalah komunitas homoseksual yang ditunjukin teman saya dan membuat saya jadi pengen ngejagain temen saya yang lain, love and hate that place actually (the place which won't be named)aduh teman-teman seperjalanan saya, nah ini dia yang emang jadi satu dari two best part visting Jogja...kami pergi berlima dari Jakarta naik kereta bisnis Senja Utama, akhir minggu and as we may know padetnya, beuhhhh !!..tapi itu ga menurangi excitement saya yang ga bisa tidur karna terganggu sama suara kereta lewat dari arah berlawanan yang lebih mirip bunyi helikopter mendarat, noisy pol !


to be continue

that's why i go to school for

elementary school, whatever was it call ?

saya baru aja reuni SD, bisa kebayang lah ya sudah sekian tahun gak bertemu walaupun banyak juga yang masih sama SMP-nya, tapi tetep aja sudah sekian tahun ga ketemu minimal 3 tahun, the rest lebih lama lagi....
malam yang menyenangkan bisa bertemu dengan teman-teman, teman-teman yang sedikit banyak pernah jadi rival, musuh, dan sejenisnya, hehehe..tapi ga bisa dipungkiri juga temen-teman ini punya tempat tersendiri di hati saya :) dengan berbagai keunikan mereka dan setiap peristiwa-peristiwa yang pernah dilewati..
pas ketemu di reuni lalu, we are all growing up as a person...thank to the idea buat reuni :D

reunion description:
we were about 30 people, sitting in a long table, a very long dining table which was surely made us unable to interact freely..i mean to reach all people
guys, though we are all growing up; we aren't elementary school anymore, but we still get the gap...we were still talking in peer, we haven't talked about life, it maybe because we are all still about 20...i think, we haven't really enjoy the circumstance..we haven't been minggled..there was still BOYS and GIRLS...but it was very funny:D

i remember when i was elementary school, i have some close friend, yet enemies.. i was enjoy sitting at class, paying a lot of attention to the teacher, I REALLY DON'T MIND (different when i was in hi-school, hehe)...desk-mate is alwasy memorable :D

.

this life is always worth some risks....

i was there
because i want

i was lie
because i want to stop even i really don't want to

i was go
because i was mad

i was mad
because i can't just explain those feeling

those feeling was not simple, it was not tolerable,
but the core just as simple as i love you